


Leaving

by orphan_account



Category: EastEnders
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-06
Updated: 2012-06-06
Packaged: 2017-11-07 02:15:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/425775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This fic is angsty - departs from canon when Syed proposed to Amira.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

 

Author's Note: This fic start off in script format, transcribed from watching the show, then goes into prose about 1k into the story.

~

[The cafe. Christian sits in window with mobile phone to his ear.]

 

Christian: Syed. Its me. Sorry for leaving you a thousand messages. I appreciate you're probably still celebrating. I just want to talk and sorry for ringing all the time. I just don't understand. I'm not angry ok, I swear it. Just be nice to talk, that's all. [Puts phone down]

 

~

 

[The Unit, the day after Syed proposed to Amira in the Queen Vic.

Syed is already there, dressed for work. Enter Christian.]

 

Christian: I've been calling you.

Syed: Yeah I noticed. What is it? Ten times now?

Christian Look, I'm sorry, alright. Still in shock.

Syed: Well don't be. You helped make up my mind.

Christian: That it then? Settle down, get married, have kids?

Syed: Looks that way.

Christian: Running away. Hiding. Not going to change who you are.”

Syed: This is me Christian.

 

[Enter Zainab and Amira.]

 

Zainab: I'm getting married in the morning. Ding, dong, the bells are going to chime.

Amira: [To Christian. Waves hand with ring on it.] Wasn't a dream.

Christian: [Tries to smile.]

Zainab: Come on. We need a pow-wow. A wedding pow-wow. So how about lunch later? I'll get Mas, I'll get Tam and they'll probably want you to replay that whole big moment.

Zainab: Yeah no worries.

Amira: Still can't believe this is happening.

Christian: Yeah its, its incredible babe. Anyway I um better be off.

Zainab: Ah, ah. Not so fast . You see we need a Fronk.

Christian: A what?

Zainab: A Fronk. Oh come on. You've seen the movie, haven't you? Father of the bride? He's the really camp wedding planner. [Christian looks at Syed.]

Amira: Yes. You could be Fronk. You'd be a great Fronk.

Zainab: Everyone needs a Fronk. [The girls giggle. Amira goes over to Syed and kisses him.]

Amira: I love you. [Kisses Syed. Christian stares at them, hurt and a bit disbelieving at Sy's actions. Christian is clearly still in shock at Syed proposing to Amira when he thought Syed was going to come out to his family.]

 

~

 

Queen Vic shortly after.

[Enter Syed and Christian carrying food.]

Syed: Where do you want this lot.

Billy: Oh, stick them on the table there.

 

[They put down food on bar and the nearest table. Once food is put down they turn to each other.]

 

Christian: I had the same choices once. Could have lived a lie. There was a woman. Could have got married, settled down, had some kids. Who knows, might even have worked out.

Syed: I'm sorry you're taking it hard but you need to let this go.

Christian: So you're telling me there's nothing there for me.

Syed: No.

Christian: [Runs his hand down Syed's arm and tries to take his hand.]

Syed: [Pulls away sharply.] What are you doing?

Christian: [Swallows]. That feeling. It won't just evaporate.

Syed: I'm with Amira. I love her. Totally love her.

Christian: But you're not being fair on her. Or me.

Syed: Not being fair? I'm marrying her.

Christian: And when you hold her hand? What's that like? You can't hide from it. It just doesn't work like that.

 

The Unit office.

Syed: [Sitting. Thinking.]

Zainab: [Walks in and hangs up handbag.] I can't believe it. Finally. I see grandchildren. I hear them. I can even smell them.

Syed: [Smiles.]

Zainab: You've made me so proud, Papu. [They hug and kiss.] There were moments when I thought it would never happen.

Syed: Well it is.

Zainab: Come on. We've got so much to plan. Where's that Fronk when you need him, uh?

Syed: I don't think he should be involved.

Zainab: Come on. The more the merrier. I want this wedding to be huge. I want everyone to be there to see my son on the happiest day of his life.

 

Later at the Masood house everyone was gathered in the living room. Even Christian was there, Christian is sitting in the corner on the far end of the couch next to Syed on a kitchen chair, who he couldn't sit next properly to or even play footsie with because his family didn't know. Didn't know he was gay. Didn't know he was seeing a man. Didn't know that he didn't want to get married to his girlfriend Amira and had only proposed in the first place to prove to himself how not-gay he was. Christian sat stewing quietly as his heart tore apart over the man he had so quickly fallen in love with. Why him? Why a closet case? A muslim man. Someone who couldn't even admit his own sexuality to himself, never mind his family and friends. Gay sexual encounters aside, of course.

 

“Ok. Fronk. What have you come up with?” Zainab started.

 

“Please don't call me that,” Christian pleaded with them.

 

“Buts its funny,” Amira giggled. She was happy. She was getting married. To the man both of them loved. A man who didn't love her back as she deserved.

 

Christian stared at her, unable to hide the slight resentment in his eyes. “Yeah, maybe for you.”

 

Syed's mother giggled again. Both of them acting like teenage girls. “Oh, someone's not in a wedding mood!” She chastised Christian like he was her new gay best friend or something. Not that she'd thought to ask Christian himself on the matter.

 

Fortunately Syed's father was taking a more practical approach. Probably on account of the fact that he'd be the one forking out for it all. “He's not the one getting married,” Masood pointed out to his wife.

 

“Oh. Don't worry Christian, your day will come,” Zainab was unperturbed by her husband's financial concerns. It wasn't going to ruin her happiness at the sudden prospect of grandchildren.

 

“Zainab...” Masood said quietly, trying to get her to calm down.

 

She did. A little. Coughed and bit her lip. “Um, maybe not.” She laughed quietly and swatted Christian playfully on the arm. “You know what I mean.”

 

Syed's brother, Tamwar, he wasn't like the rest of them. He had his father's sense, mixed with an open-mindedness that had come from his studious mind being let loose in the western world of London's east end. “Mum, gay people can get married now, its absolutely acceptable. They can even adopt ain't that right?” Tanwar looked up at Christian.

 

“Yeah,” Christian nodded, trying and failing to pretend everything was alright. That the whole prospect of a future with the only man he'd truly fallen in love with wasn't slipping through his fingers in this very room. Christian saw Syed's mother look at him in surprise at Tamwar's revelation. Christian didn't trust himself to speak but the look in his eyes was confirmation enough for Zainab. “I actually came close to having a daughter once,” He added.

 

Masood stepped in, trying to keep peace, just like always. “How do you know so much about it?” He asked Tamwar curiously. Better he ask that question than his wife Zainab. Her mind could jump to all sorts of conclusions at the slightest of things.

 

Meanwhile across the room Syed was being noticeably silent. Tamwar, if Christian wasn't mistaken, looked uncomfortable with the attention of the room. Couldn't be easy getting that with a mother like Zainab who was so domineering. He guessed the boy was probably used to fading into the background.

 

“I'm gay.” Tamwar joked with a straight face. “How do you think?”

 

Tamwar's mother however was less than impressed. The Masood matriarch whipped around to her son and chastised him at once.

 

“Hey!” She said sharply. “Don't even joke about it! I mean it!”

 

Christian was a bit surprised at her reaction. He knew that homosexuality didn't fit in with muslim beliefs, but two minutes ago she'd been laughing and joking about how helpful Christian's 'gayness' would be to the wedding.

 

Masood made a second attempt to get things back on track. “Shouldn't we be talking about Amira and Syed?” He asked the family. Syed picked up on it. He sat on a chair next to Christian on the couch and even as they enjoyed each other's presence, the tension was getting to be too much.

 

“How much will all this cost anyway?” Syed asked nervously.

 

“Well it depends on the size, doesn't it? I mean I want to invite everyone. Friends, relatives, family. I am thinking a three day festivity.” 'Typical Zainab'. Everyone was thinking it, but no one dared say it.

 

“Before we start, I don't want any of that. Like for when I get married.” Everyone apart from Tamwar, Christian thought, who was more horrified than amused it would seem and wasn't afraid to say so. That boy had more guts than a lot of people gave him credit for, Christian couldn't help thinking but Zainab was quick to correct her wayward younger son.

 

“You'll marry like I tell you to.”

 

“Ok.” Tamwar conceded, or at least gave the appearance of it. That was an argument for another day. There were enough problems with this one to last them a while but Tamwar wasn't the only one with doubts. Masood had to be concerned about the cost and Amina seemed unsure about getting married with such a large crowd staring on an Zainab, of all people, directing events.

 

“Does it have to be that big?” She asked, pining slightly at not being able to choose all of this stuff for herself.

 

“Well we could cut a few corners, couldn't we? But we want the best that money can buy,” Zainab insisted.

 

“Y-yeah, but I just don't want to be a burden, that's all,” Amina tried a different approach.

 

“Our families will share the cost.” Zainab said confidently.

 

“It still seems like a lot of money though.” Amina's last ditch attempt.

 

Christian had had enough. “Yeah, well, you could do yourselves a favour and call the whole thing off!”

 

“Ok. What is the matter with you?!” Zainab snapped at Christian, fed up with her wedding planner's foul mood. Not that she and Amina had given him much choice in his involvement.

 

“Yeah,” Masood backed up his wife. “Look, this is my boy's big day.”

 

Christian snorted quietly to himself. Fiery eyes flashed up at Syed. He was too angry to put on a front. “That's what you think,” He muttered just loud enough for them to hear.

 

“Look, can we just get on,” Syed tried to deflect attention. Anything that involved him and Christian actually looking at each other with others around made him paranoid. Small wonder, considering that they were falling fast for each other.

 

“No, I want to hear this.” Masood again. Peacemaker. Inquisitor.

 

“No, you don't,” Syed tried to deflect his father who always seemed to be on his case. It was tough being the eldest son. So much pressure. So many expectations, but Masood wasn't going to let Christian's sour comment go.

 

“No, come on Christian. Speak up. What's your problem?”

 

“The thing is...” Christian looked at Zainab, then up at Masood, then back at Zainab again. Bloody hell, with stares like that it was no wonder Syed was having problems telling the truth. He was very nervous and he wasn't even their son! Christian paused.

 

Syed watched with his heart in his mouth.

 

“The thing is...” Christian now looked at Amira, now down at the floor, now at his own wringing hands. “...That I care about your son,” He paused again and looked up at Zainab, wanting to be sure that she understood perfectly, “As more than a friend.”

 

Screams, shouts, insults and tearing words flew from Zainab's hypocritical mouth. Oh, she was okay with him being gay if it helped with her perfect wedding, but anything to do with love or sex was perverted and wrong, apparently. He rallied himself against it though, and closed his eyes for a moment, remembering the two brief, perfect nights with Syed in his arms. Christian's deep, loud voice carried over them all and he opened his eyes and stared down Syed's parents, shouting over their words.

 

“I am not some sort of pervert and have never pushed for anything from Syed!”

 

His eyes and Syed's quickly flashed together. No, Syed had been the one doing the pushing. Christian had asked him back to his flat, twice, but that was all. Syed had been the one ripping his clothes off as soon as they got through the door. But Christian wasn't going to spill that much to them and his soft words of reassurance quietened them somewhat and he finally had the courage to meet Amira's wide, astonished eyes and continue. “For what its worth, I care about him enough not to stand in his way,” Christian looked at Syed. “If this is what he truly wants.”

 

Sy stared back at him. Terror flashing in his wide eyes. Fear.

 

Christian sighed and looked down at the floor again. He had given Syed his chance and he knew by looking at him that his lover wasn't going to come out. Christian himself had promised not to say anything about their nights together and he would keep that promise, but he was hurt enough to want to say something about his own feelings on the matter and let Sy admit the rest of it or not.

 

“Amira's a beautiful woman,” He said more quietly, looking at the woman in question. They were friends. He wasn't so hurt that he would deliberately out Syed and break this girls heart, but his own heart hurt to much to stay silent altogether. “If he truly loves her, then I'm happy for him, but I can't sit here stewing quietly and pretend I don't have a problem with organising his marriage to someone else.”

 

“Syed...” Zainab finally found her tongue and gasped at her son, wondering if he had any part in this.

 

“He knows, Zainab,” Christian called loudly over her oncoming rant in that way commanding, in that dominating way of his that Syed liked so much because it was so unlike the normally placid gentle giant. He felt Syed's gaze on him and met his soft eyes with an apology in his own. He wasn't so hurt as to out Syed in front of his whole family, and with everything in his eyes he apologised for saying what he had but he just hurt too much to stay silent.

 

“If he's okay with it, then you should be too. Syed's a good muslim. He observes, he gives alms and he prays five times a day. I think we all know that I disagree with your beliefs, but I respect the fact that you have them. If Syed wants to marry Amira then I think its best if I go away for a few months – best for him and for me and for Amira.”

 

Syed's head snapped up to stare at him.

 

“I have a friend who does catering for British tourist groups in Barcelona. He's been a bit short handed over the summer and there's a good chance he'd let me stay on when the season's all over. Jane doesn't know yet but like I said, in light of the wedding and my feelings for Sy, I think its best if I leave Walford for a while. Maybe even a year. Take a break. Try to,” His voice broke. “Try to get over Syed.”

 

“I don't want you coming anywhere near my son!” Zainab warned him angrily waving her finger.

 

Christian smiled sadly in understanding as he stood up. “I know, Zainab. Its okay.” His sad eyes moved over to Syed who was looking at him in astonishment. For a moment Christian hoped Syed might tell them the truth about the feelings being returned, but the pressure of his family and the presence of his fiancee was too much. With one gaze into Syed's sad eyes, Christian knew he would marry Amira, even if it broke both their hearts in the process.

 

“Christian...” Syed rushed forwards, reached out for him. A friendly hand on his arm shoulder.

 

Christian knew he was crying. He couldn't help it. He had never been good at times like these so he smiled sadly and reached out for Syed, cupped his head in his palm and ran it down to cup his neck affectionately. “Its okay, Sy.” Daringly he stepped forwards and in full view of Sy's parents he gently kissed Syed's forehead in a chaste, passionless kiss as tears streamed down his face.

 

“Will you be-”

 

Christian ran his hand down Syed's head and then pulled his hand back, restraining himself. “I'll be okay.” He said softly. The others were silenced, staring in a mixture of horror and suspenseful shock. Horror at Christian's revelations an his brazen, open display of his feelings and shock at the man – whose tall, muscular, broad-chested figure made him look tough and imposing – being so soft and affectionate and gentle. Christian smiled sadly and stepped back. He turned and looked at Amira, then back at Syed.

 

“Be happy together.” Christian turned away then and walked forwards, out of the room and towards the front door.

 

“Christian!”

 

Christian turned back and looked across the room to Syed standing in the living room doorway flanked by his parents, his hands in his jeans. Christian was sad for him. He could see that the young muslim he loved was torn between Christian and the strict rules of his family and faith.

 

Syed tried to smile, tried to show how much he cared with what might be his last look. “You're a good friend,” He said finally. It was all he dared say with his family present, but Christian knew what he meant.

 

Christian nodded. Swallowed. He couldn't say anything more, for fear of the truth jumping out and he knew that Syed would never forgive him for that. They stared for a moment longer, but Zainab was growing more angry by the second and Christian knew he had to leave before Sy's mother finally blew up. “Good bye, Sy. Have a nice life.”

 

Then he walked out. The front door banged.

 

He was gone.

 

End of part 1

~


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

 

Author's Note: Part 2 of 2. 1754 Words.

 

~

 

Eruption. Words, shouting, yelling, anger. Christian let it all pass him by as he stormed away from it and across the square. Neighbours came out wondering what all the fuss was about. Jane and Ian stepped onto the square, wondering about all the noise and yelling at her friend Zainab's house. Then she saw Christian, her brother, storming away with tears in his eyes. She ran after him, managing to catch the door to his stair as he tried to rush up to his flat and caught up with Christian in person as he unlocked the door of his small studio flat. Jane followed him inside.

 

“Christian! Were you just at Zainab's?”

 

“Leave me alone Sis.”

 

She watched him. A bag being pulled out. Drawers opened. Clothes stuffed pulled out. More clothes. Precious items. Documents. His passport.

 

“What's going on? Why are you packing?”

 

“I'm leaving.”

 

“For how long?”

 

“For good.”

 

“Christian, you only got here last year. I know you and Ian don't always see eye to eye but I don't understand. I thought you've been happy. Yesterday morning you were all smiles and warm hugs in the caf – until you talked to Syed Masood and turned into a sour cow. Come to think of it I saw you two arguing again today. Wait, have you two had a falling out? Is this about Syed and Amira's wedding? Cause I know they she get a bit over the top about the gay best friend thing but you should tell them about it. Not just run away in a flounder.”

 

“Its not about them calling me 'Fronk' or about thinking that cause I'm gay I'll make a good wedding planner for a religion I know nothing about or about them thinking I'm an all-singing, all-dancing queen. Its something private that you wouldn't understand.” At that exact moment his best friend Roxy Mitchell crashed through the door.

 

“Christian!” Roxy exlaimed. “Jane! Do you know what is going on cause all hell is breaking loose at the Masoods. I swear, they make us Mitchells look like saints when they get going. Zainab looks ready to lynch Syed and as for Mas and Tamwar...wait, are you packing?”

 

“He says he's leaving,” Jane told Roxy.

 

“Like hell you are,” Roxy exclaimed. “What about Amy? You're her godfather. She sees you more than she sees Jack! You better be back in a couple of days or I swear-”

 

“I'm not just going for a couple of days,” Christian cut across her and kept packing. “I'm going out to Barcelona.”

 

“Well that was a bit sudden wasn't it? You could have invited me, you know? I've been dying to go away all summer and here you are suddenly skipping off to sunny Spain with no warning at all.”

 

Christian stopped and angrily threw down the t-shirt in his hand. “Stop!” He demanded. “I'm going and that's it. Why I'm going or how long I'm going for is none of your business. Can't you just give me a bit of space for five minutes when something personal happens?”

 

“No we can't as it happens,” Jane retorted, “Since you'll be gone in five minutes and I might never see you again.”

 

“Something personal...” Roxy picked up on her best friend's distress. “Wait. Are you leaving because of what's happening at the Masood's? Did you confront them or something?”

 

Christian gritted his teeth and stared into the distance, trying to rein in his wild emotions. It was enough for Jane to think he was confirming her suspicions about some sort of confrontation over his homosexuality.

 

“Oh Christian...” Jane shook her head sadly. “They're Muslim. You're gay. You work together but you live in different worlds. They're never going to understand. There's no point starting a fight over it!”

 

“It wasn't about principles Jane and I didn't start it. I just said a few things they didn't like.”

 

“So you did fight.” Jane stared disbelievingly at him. “And since I have to work with them tomorrow you can't tell me what it was about?”

 

“That's none of your business!” He whirled around and threw at her.

 

“Because the last time I saw you like this was the night you came out to mum and I didn't see you for twenty years after that, so excuse me for being concerned about my brother having a break down.”

 

“Its not a break down, Jane. I just need to get away for a while.”

 

“Yeah, a long while, by the looks of it,” Roxie challenged, taking in the photographs and keepsakes he had thrown onto the bed to be packed along with a few clothes, important documents and the like.

 

Christian stopped and looked up. They weren't going to drop this, and he couldn't leave until they left him alone. This was his sister and his best friend. The two people he probably trusted most in the world.

 

“That guy I've been seeing. The one you've both been asking about....Its Syed...and I love him.”

 

Jane snorted. “Love? You? Syed?”

 

“Yeah, pull the other one,” Roxy joined in with a disbelieving laugh.

 

Christian ignored them and kept packing as he told them the truth. “We've been seeing each other quietly, behind Amira's back. I'm not a home-wrecker. He came onto me first but now there are feelings involved he won't leave her to be with me and he's not going to be happy with her so long as I'm still here. She deserves better than for him to be constantly gazing at me across the square. I love him. A lot. It happened so suddenly but we were so amazing together. When he proposed in the the Vic I thought at first that he was going to tell them – his family. Try and make a go of things with me and tell the truth to Amira. Only he didn't. He proposed to her instead. Then today at work they asked me to help with the wedding and I can't.” Christian shook his head in that hopeless way of his. “I just can't.”

 

“But you're Christian!” Roxy protested. “You don't do love. You do one night stands and guys toilets and gay night clubs.”

 

“Thanks!” Christian threw at her sarcastically.

 

“No, I just mean-” Roxy started.

 

“That I don't do serious? You think I don't know that? I can't help how I feel about him.”

 

“I think he means it,” Jane said to Roxy as she stared at her brother in astonishment. “You've really fallen for him!”

 

Christian just nodded sadly.

 

“Oh, brother! He's a Muslim. They don't do gay. Did you really think it was ever going to work out between you? Family reputation and saving face is so important to them. Syed was never going to shame his whole family by choosing you. Not in public at any rate.”

 

“I know that,” He said sadly. “I thought I could be with him in private, or persuade him to leave Amira over time but he's not going to do it and I can't stand it any longer. I can't stay and organise Syed's wedding to someone else. When I looked at him in his parents front room with his fiancee close by I knew he wouldn't choose me. Didn't even speak up in my defence but I owed them the truth. For them, and for me.”

 

“Tell me you didn't tell them about Syed!” Jane exclaimed.

 

“Of course not! I would never do that! No matter how much it hurts! But I couldn't go on pretending that my feelings for him don't exist! I can't get over him as long as I'm here – and he'll never be happy being married to Amira until I'm out of his life!”

 

“Christian,” Roxy began sympathetically. “Of all the blokes in the world you could have fallen for why'd you have to go and choose the only bleedin' one of them that wouldn't want you? Even straight guys fancy you but you had to take it a step further and go for the devoted Muslim boy!”

 

“Don't talk about him like that! You don't know anything about him! You don't know what happens when we're together! Its amazing, and passionate, and right! So right,” Christian shook his head not knowing what else to say. He took a deep breath to compose himself. “When we're together its so good Jane, we're drawn together. We can't help ourselves. The temptation is too much for me to stay here and pretend to be friends; pretend I'm okay with not being with him. I want him to be happy and if he won't let himself be with me I have to stop him being unhappy with someone else that's not me and this is the only way I can think of doing that. If he's going to be with Amira I have to be gone from his life. To give him a chance with her – and to give me a chance to get over him. In quiet. In peace.”

 

Christian zipped up his bag and hefted it over his shoulder. He checked his wallet. Mobile. Passport. He found his front door key and gave it to Jane. “Give these to Ian.”

 

“We'll pack up the rest of your stuff,” Roxy reassured him. “There should be some space at the Vic.”

 

Christian swallowed and nodded sadly. If he spoke he knew he'd lose it altogether so he stayed silent and let the tears stream down his face.

 

“You and Amy...you're welcome any time, you know that. For as long as you want.”

 

“Thanks, Christian. I know she'll miss you.”

 

“I'll miss her too, Rox; and you and Jane both...but I can't do this and stay here.”

 

There was a pause, then the three of them hugged. Too soon they broke apart and Christian made for the door. The two women followed to the taxi waiting outside and then there were more hugs and tears and good byes until finally, the inevitable heartbreak of seeing Christian's taxi drive out of the square towards the airport and the two women left behind hugged each other as they stared after it, wondering if they would ever see Christian again.

~


End file.
